I want my country back. I want the days when a "man's word was his bond". I want the time when you didn't have to lock your doors because people respected one another and their property. I want the freedom to get on an airplane and take a trip without being molested by a "government" worker first. I want the country where religious freedom meant religious freedom, not "shut up Christians and Jews", and treat the Muslims with kid gloves. I want the country that was founded on Judeo-Christian values; where it was okay to pray in public, and it was okay to mention God and Jesus Christ in public.

"Give me your tired, your poor; your huddled masses yearning to be free", had its time and place. When there was seemingly "unlimited" territory, and room for all; it was possible for all to come and partake of the American dream. It was possible to come with nothing and make it big here. But, the American dream is becoming a nightmare. Greed raised its ugly head. Power mongers will stop at nothing to get to the top and hold the population under their thumbs. No longer does working hard pay off. The harder you work, the less you get because the greedy government takes a bigger cut. No longer does working hard pay off because more of our earnings are taken from us to pay the way of those who come here for a free ride. Those who are illegal and know how to work the system, have more benefits than many hard working Americans...who can't seem to get ahead because their hands are tied by our greedy government. There are illegals here who work hard to support themselves and their families, and they still have access to more benefits than the ordinary American citizen. If you want to come partake of what you believe is the American dream, do it the right way. Take the steps required by law. Don't break the law of the country you come to for a chance at a better life. What it does for all the rest of us, is reduce our quality of life.

Screw the ACLU. This is an example of a group who has stepped way outside what should be their boundary. Screw political correctness. Don't tell me how I have to talk so as not to hurt the feelings of some asshole who would rather kill me than talk nicely to me. Wake up America!! We are being taken over by different groups who are "protected", while we are the financiers of their coup. Screw the hatemongers.... those who take things out of context and attempt to turn the people against that which is good. We are told in the scriptures about the day when men would "call evil good, and good evil". Hello...it's here. People are so screwed up and full of hate.

I am so tired of being silenced because I am a Christian. I'm even more tired of being censored by other Christians because I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I AM a practicing Christian. The uninformed, too lazy to do their own personal research, bigots who vehemently deny that my Church is Christian need to get off their soap boxes and learn for themselves. I would guess that a number of these people are second and third generation bigots...without their own personal knowledge....simply believing in the "traditions of their fathers". Happens all of the time.
What is ahead for my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren? Will the "land of the free, and the home of the brave" be just that? Or will it be the "land of the meek, duped, docile slave"? What we all deserve...is to wake up, hook up (spiritually) and join together to create a wave of change so great and powerful that the shift will change the world. But it takes effort, unity, faith and an unconditional love for mankind. There is no room for greed, gluttony or hate. We are ALL children of ONE creator. That makes us family. A family that prays together, stays together. A family that communicates effectively, that respects each members uniqueness and feelings, stays together; and becomes stronger. A family that allows expression, yet unites behind what's good for the entire family becomes stronger.

The united States of America was once like a strong family. United, but respecting the individual. Working together for the good of all, yet allowing for individuality. Then the desire for power and money crept in the back door. Changes began to take place unbeknownst to the general populace, who were basking in the "sunshine". Look where we are today! I want my country back....for the sake of my posterity.

The can of worms has been opened

7 Oct 2010
As I sat and listened to Boyd K Packer give his talk at General Conference, two things came to mind.
The first was that I admired him for having the guts to stand up for and put the truth out there for all to hear. The second was that I knew there was going to be a major backlash from this. President Packer spoke from a place of love, but also as a voice of warning. Throughout the scriptures we read of the way people responded to the prophets calling them to repentance. A sinner never likes to be told he is a sinner. Today, there are those who insist that the church change its doctrine to be in line with the morals of the day. But God does not work that way. God loves all of His children regardless of their sins. But, He does not love the sins; and it is He who has determined what is sin and what is not. We, should also love one another, regardless of our sins. We are mortal beings however, and are not perfect. Some among us set themselves up as being better or more important than others...and make judgments against individuals because they go against God's laws. I have friends who are gay. I love them dearly. But, I cannot condone the lifestyle they choose to live. I have friends who are heterosexual and choose to have sexual relationships outside of marriage. I love them too. But, I cannot condone the lifestyle they choose to live. What people choose to do is between them and God. I don't judge the individual. All of us are in need of love. And, we all deserve to be loved. Even if we are not able to understand how or why someone feels the way they do, God requires us to love them.
The Church has the right to teach, and preach the principles of the Gospel. It also has the responsibility to do so. And doing so is not 'hate speech'. If people are incited to "hate" because of the talk that was given, then the truth is, they already "hated" and are just using this as an excuse, so they can blame something outside of themselves. The "hate speech" is coming from the gay/lesbian/transgender community. The "hate" and attacks from them are vicious and are intended to incite violence against the church. You can hear it in their voices as they rave about the supposed injustice. You can feel it when reading the hateful messages they write.
I do not follow anyone or anything blindly. I am not a sheep. I read, ponder, pray and gain my own testimony of what I am taught. And this I know to be true. God's laws are the same yesterday, today and forever. What was immoral in ancient times, is immoral today. And, it will still be considered immoral 1000 years from now. We can debate till we are blue in the face. We can pass laws to make an action legal. But it won't make it right.
My heart hurts for anyone who reaches a point in their life where they feel the only thing they can do is commit suicide. I have stood on the brink of that precipice myself. I know emotional pain that makes one feel hopeless and alone. But, making the decision to carry out the act or not, is the personal responsibility of the individual. God alone knows the circumstances and involvements of individuals that the victim felt the need to escape from. And, I'm sure that if there are bullies who tormented the victim to the point of desperation, God will get them in the end. They may get away with it for now, but eventually, they will pay.

To Love Myself

I think one of the most important things to remember as we move forward from our life experiences and choices that have caused us pain, is that all of these experiences whether good or bad, can be learned from. Life is for learning. My childhood home situation was less than ideal.. My opinion of myself was low. I knew I was a daughter of God, but I didn't value myself. That lack of self esteem was furthered by rejection and belittlement in my failed marriage. Since then I have come to understand some important things. It's so much more than just saying I am a daughter of God.
My life experiences have been learning experiences. As each difficult situation was faced, I learned and grew from that experience. I can look back and actually say that I'm glad I had those experiences because of how they have affected who I am today. It wasn't easy, and there were times I wanted to give up. But, I didn't. I kept going, putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that Heavenly Father knew me and was in charge. I will not allow Satan to influence my thoughts about myself. I am a powerful spirit being and I will not let disparaging thoughts about myself have center stage.
In order to allow the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior into my life, I had to believe that I deserved it. During quiet moments on my knees in supplication to my loving Father in Heaven I felt the beautiful reassurance that I do deserve it. He has reassured me many times as I have faced difficulties and received a priesthood blessing. Through the gentle whisperings of the Holy Ghost, I have been reminded of how much they love me. The adversary's loud clamoring doesn't hold a candle to the 'still small voice'.
The gift of agency is a wonderful gift. It was known ahead of time, that we would sometimes make bad choices. The important thing is; learn from the choices. In examining the situation, we can learn valuable information about ourselves. We can use that information to make the decision as to what we will do when faced with those choices again. If we truly learn from our experiences, our lives can be enriched as we realize we are following the Plan. This opportunity to experience, choose, learn, and grow are evidence to me of a loving Heavenly Father. He didn't send us here to earth to fail. He knows we are all capable of success in this earthly experience. He lovingly gave us guidance (through the scriptures, and our prophets), and the gift of the Holy Ghost. I know He loves me. I know my Savior loves me. I am able to feel that love on a daily basis, and because of that, I know I am lovable. And who am I, to turn my back on that and not love myself?

ANGEL ETHAN

Tenderly, gently, cradled;
Angel kisses on his lips.
Miracle, such tiny features,
From love, he is.

Innocence, handle softly;
Lovingly teach and hold.
Deserves your love and patience,
Valued beyond gold.

Pawn of forces, torn;
Object only for pain.
One has him, and must not.
Vicious anger, insane.

Angels carry heavenward;
Tortured pain now over.
Hate destroys, no tender touch.
Life cut short; now, no more.

By Janet Graham, in memory of Ethan Stacy, whose life ended tragically
at the age of 4.

Shame on us.

I was just thinking, as I tossed my water bottle into the trash can, about what a disposable society we live in. I remember when I was a little tyke, that the baby bottles my parents had for me were made of glass. And, the ones I used for my first child were glass. Then came the age of plastic. I think plastic is a great product. But, instead of using something over and over and over....cleaning in between of course, we just toss everything into the garbage can. Our landfills are full of plastic that either won't degrade at all, or will take thousands of years to do so. We have become so wasteful. So much stuff goes out with the trash, when, if our products were re-usable...it would save our environment. But, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about.
I want to address this disposable society we live in. Because the things mentioned above are simply symptoms of a very sick phenomenom. Have you noticed that not only things are disposable, but our society disposes of people as well? It starts before some are even born....resulting in them not having the opportunity to be born. Lives cut short while still growing inside their mothers; delivered and toss aside, or mutilated and sucked from the womb before they even get chance to greet this world. And I am not attempting to lecture here. I know as a health care worker in obstetrics that there are situations that cannot be avoided, there are pregnancies that result in babies that have anomalies that are incompatible with life. And, I will never,ever judge anyone who has had to go through the heart wrenching experience of having to make the decision of whether to abort or allow nature to continue it's inevitable course. My heart hurts for and I reach out to those who have had this experience. As a nurse I have been involved in the care of these families. I love them and hurt for them, and I know that the decision to end the pregnancy is between them and God. But what hurts me, is the life lost because of inconvenience, embarrassment, fear, or selfishness. I think most of us know what causes pregnancy, and there are ways to prevent it. Once you decide to do nothing to prevent it, you've made your choice. But there are consequences to choices, and pregnancy is a consequence. If we remove consequences, what do we learn?
Anyway, back to my thoughts: I have watched people grow up being 'thrown away' by peers and family members, who tease, torment, threaten, physically or sexually or emotionally abuse them. What the heck? Why would we treat another human being like 'trash', to be tossed out, stomped on and disposed of? And now, as I am getting older, I see the older generation being disposed of. Someone in their 50's-60's who as been a great employee; who is educated, intelligent, hard working, knowledgeable, and able to teach so much to the generation coming up, is laid off and their job is given to some 'youngster' who is new to the field (and of course will thus be paid much less). Then, this older worker is not able to find another job, because 'nobody wants to hire the older guy', they may have health issues that could be a liability to the company (missed work, medical expenses heaven forbid). And, if they do hire an older person it will be with no benefits because of the possibility of missed work and medical expenses. What happened to us? There was a time, when we took care of our own...when we loved others, and looked out for others. Family members took care of their elderly. They wouldn't have considered putting them away in some 'home' where they would rot. What is up with this? The age of disposability needs to end. We need to stop being wasteful, neglectful, selfish and hateful. If we take care of what we have, use it, clean it for future use, stop throwing things away; it will save us not only resources, but money. If we learn to love those around us, from family to neighbors to the entire existance...the possibilities are endless. Can you imagine the change that would come over mankind, if love replaced all of the negative thoughts, actions, words etc that are thrown around every single day. This disposable society would become a miraculous society. I'd like to see that.

Family

If I talk about the joy of the journey, I have to talk about family. Family is the ultimate 'gang'. It's the people around whom we can be ourselves. They can be our biggest critics, but also our greatest cheerleaders. If we screw up they not only will let us know that we did, but they will also love us anyway. At least, a relatively normal (what's normal?) family will. It's the ones who don't have this security net who seek a gang outside of the family. Would that all families could be the ultimate 'gang' so there are no castaways who search for acceptance somewhere else.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. (Probably like most people.) Situations weren't ideal, and there was a huge element of fear in my childhood. I can't say that my childhood was happy. It was hard growing up out in the country...where playmates were few and far between. There was quite an age difference between me and my siblings as I was an "oops, I thought we were done" baby. My brother closest in age to me was 7 years older, and though we played together alot when I was little; when he became a teen-ager the last person he wanted tagging along was his little sister. I idolized him. He teased and tormented me. But, I always knew he loved me. If someone picked on me, he was there as my defender so fast the other person didn't see it coming. He looked out for his baby sister. My sister is 11 years older than me, and was my second mom. It seems that I became her 'charge'. It was up to her to babysit me all of the time. I sure hope she didn't resent that. I grew up adoring her and looking up to her as my example. She saw to it on her meager wages, that I had school clothes, and let me spend summers with her. I didn't know at the time how she struggled financially. I was grateful for her generosity, and for all of the things she taught me. She helped me on the path I chose....following the teachings of my Father in Heaven. I will always be grateful to her for the example she set, and her faith and teaching. My oldest brother is 14 years older than I am, and we really didn't have many interactions when I was growing up. The age difference really did separate us. He wasn't around a lot that I can remember. That makes me kind of sad, because we didn't develop a close relationship. I love him dearly though.
Mom and dad had their difficulties. Dad was controlling, domineering, vicious tongued and prone to verbal and physical abuse when he drank too much. Growing up I was scared to death of him. If he said jump, I asked how high on the way up. (Figuratively speaking of course) It never even crossed my mind to do the stuff my children did......my dad would have killed me if I had. (Or so I thought) He probably wouldn't have killed me but I would have been better off if he had. There were so many things that I wanted to do, but I was afraid to even ask his permission, and I figured he would say no anyway. I wanted to learn how to snow ski with my friends, he said no because he was afraid I'd break my leg and we didn't have insurance. I wanted to ride the motorcycle with my boyfriend and he said no because I'd get hurt. So, I lived in fear...afraid to step out on the limb and take a chance to do and accomplish what I wanted to do. I think I spent a lot of time during my adolescence depressed. I wondered why God put me in this family, where I had to grow up in a 'tavern' and
'dance hall'. That's not where you expect to find a young LDS girl growing up now is it?
When I was young, my dream was to become a doctor and deliver babies. By the time I finished high school, my dad had me believing that I wasn't smart enough to do anything but be a secretary. And I had NO desire to be anyones secretary.
I look back now and I can see that I am who I am today because of the situations and experiences I had in my younger years. And, I have come to the conclusion that we are where we are for the learning we can gain there. Each of us has the experiences that are just right for us. It may be happy, it may be frightening, but it is perfect for us at that time. If we are willing to learn the lessons of life, we will be taught.
I love my parents. They both passed away when I was in my early 20's. And, it's sad to say that at the time my dad passed away, I was glad. He was not a very nice person...and yet I now understand why he was the way he was. I no longer judge him. He made his choices based on what he knew. I know that on the other side of the veil, his eyes have been opened, he has learned, and he has felt sorrow for the pain and sorrow he caused. I forgive him, and I anxiously await the chance to be reunited with him and tell him how much I love him. My mom was an angel. She was my best friend growing up. She was always there for me and I'm sure I drove her nuts sometimes...following her around the house jabbering. She was wonderful. And she put up with the verbal and physical mistreatment from my dad, and managed to keep a smile on her face and a song in her heart. She loved all of us kids. She did not judge us, she accepted us and loved us in spite of our shortcomings. She was an amazing woman. When she passed away, a year after dad passed away, I though my world had come crashing down. That was one of the hardest things I have had to bear. I can't wait to see her again.

I have 5 awesome children, who are adults with their own children now. Unfortunately they were raised in a dysfunctional family. (When that's what you learn, that's usually what you perpetuate.) Poor kids. How did they survive their dad and I? They've had their share of depressions, and difficult teen age years. They've made choices that have brought them some additional difficulties, and from which I've felt heartache. But they have grown from their experiences. They've learned. And, after all, life is for learning. If you learn from your mistakes, then they aren't mistakes. I begin to wonder..what's dysfunctional? We talk about dysfunctional homes, and although I felt mine as a child was, and mine as a parent was....they functioned as a place of learning. We've all survived.
I kind of like the 'gangs' I belong to. Yes, there has been joy on the journey

Words

You can take the sharpest knife
and slice with all your might.
You can take a gun and shoot it
and hope your aim is right.
But nothing can hurt or cause more pain
than simple words when spoken,
with hateful heart and vengeful tongue;
tender hearts can be broken.

Time and time again I've heard
gossip, vile and ugly.
Spewed about to ruin the name
and character of somebody.
"They did me wrong, and so they'll pay,
I'll see to it myself.
I may have to stretch the story a bit,
but I'll do it with great stealth."

Lies are spread, feelings hurt
and reputation ruined.
All eyes are turned accusingly,
"Just what have you been doing?"
Doesn't matter that there are two sides
to each and every story.
They hear what they want to hear,
anything less might be too boring.

Words can be the fiercest daggers
when gossip enters in.
The truth is simple though, you know;
in that case, no one wins.
The gossiper condemns themselves
with every word they utter;
stooping low to cut and hurt,
they, end up in the gutter.

Janet Graham
January 2010